Four Hours Ago (In My Bed)

I’am now back in my bed.
Alone and more insecure than ever.
Just four hours ago I was lying here, crying.
Agonizing myself of losing you.
Questioning myself and the wind of what am I lacking?
What am I to someone like you?
In just two words my heart shattered.
In just one move, I lose all my strenght.
I was at lost, for an instant.

I’am now back in my bed.
Playing the new track that just have been created four hours ago.
Watching it in full color in my head,
listening to it in the loudest volume
and trying to fathom it, deeply,
like my life is depending on it,
which at the moment, I believe it does.

I’am now back in my bed.
I realized that I’am not really afraid of losing you.
It is not enough.
There’s something more, something tragic.
‘Coz I’am more than terrified that I might also lose myself in the process.

I’am now back in my bed.
With a clearer vision that I’am not perfect.
I’am breakable and fragile.
I’am neither strong nor brave.
Not even unique nor precious.
I’am just something that is replaceable
and can get easily discarded.
Which might have been the case, if not four hours ago.

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Right One

How can I feel so dead
When I can hear my heart beating.
How can I be numb
When I know Im hurting.

A simple joy
Gives me agony.
A sincere laughter
Leaves me empty.

Can you call this happiness?
Can you call this freedom?
Bliss in a daylight
Tears after midnight.

A simple joy
Can give you a moment of peace.
A sincere laughter
Can make you forget a little while.

But a broken piece
Will remain broken.
It’s up for you to fix it
Or probably the right one, if there is one.

The Aftermath of our Relationship

It’s tragic.

It’s like a curse.

It will blow your mind.

Overwhelm your senses

and will leave you astray.

 

It’s unexpected.

It’s like a thief.

It will destroy yourself.

Something you would not wish to happen

yet inevitable.

 

A happy relationship is not always an assurance.

Love, understanding and open mindedness.

Those are essentials, yet not enough.

Trust, honesty and loyalty.

Ideal characteristics of a partner, yet not enough.

 

Then, what will make “us” enough?

What can make a happy relationship lasts?

How can you make it just right?

Not too much not too little.

Just enough not to experience

and end up to the aftermath.

The execrated me..

2014-10-21 10.01.45

Alone and insecure..

this is what love makes me.

It is the opposite of bliss

nor the cloud nine that they say.

Confused and afraid,

why do I feel this way?

Being loved and to love,

is what I feel an irony?

When your close and comforting

I try to get away.

When your far and longing

I feel free.

Don’t I love?

Do I have the right?

I feel like begging for it,

but when it’s given I refuse.

This is crazy,

can’t stop thinking how to respond.

I always feel betrayed

even though I was not, yet.

I hate myself for this.

I hate it when someone say he loves me,

when I don’t feel it that way.

Is it just me? The execrated me.

It’s Bollocks

life

There will definitely be more ups and down from now on.

Despair like pits of darkness…

and happiness enough to make his body tremble.

Trembling because he will be laughing.

Bollocks to this life is intense.

You will fall and out of the circle.

Hold still before it comes..

the unwanted fear that life brings.

Laugh it out, oh! just do it..

before things got out of hand.

Don’t fear the oblivion..

Don’t fear death..

Your tears, don’t waste it…

for it is essential to be composed.

Difficulties or triumphs, don’t let yourself forget..

that life is just a big maze..

you’ll get lost ,if you won’t walk through it with all your senses.

If only..

Love come, love go, a cliche.

Love soothes, love hurts, constantly.

Love starts, love ends, then renew.

Love laugh, love cry, why continue?

Heart, aren’t you getting tired?

Heart, aren’t you hurting too much?

Heart, don’t you ever learn?

Heart, why still keep on beating?

I’ve been happy, like a glee.

When we kiss, I’m in a bliss.

Was it real? I had my fill.

It’s been fun, but now it’s gone.

My knees were weakening, as I see you walking.

But that was “then”, when you were still pretending.

Now the feeling is fading, like our footprints in the sand.

If only we have love that time can withstand.

When “it” doesn’t makes sense

Tic toc..

Tic toc..

The clock is ticking, and my heart is beating.

It goes slowly, but mine won’t.

The time passes by, yet the pain still remains.

How can I let you go away, when my heart ache for you to stay?

Can I pretend that you love me the way “I love you”?

Can I ignore the longing in my heart because you don’t care?

Can we just stop this at once? and let the time stop.

Go back to when our love still makes sense.

You want me to be this, you want me to be that.

Didn’t you say you love me, the whole of me?

Then why do you want me to change? Want me to be somebody else?

These things just doesn’t make sense.

I ache for you, I love you.

I’ll give up everything for you, I love you.

I will change for you, I love you.

But will this be enough to make you love me equally?