Purple, the color of love

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How foolish can I be to be in love with you.

Too much insults and slur yet my world still revolves on you.

My feelings is overwhelming that it makes me naive.

Pink is not the color of love, it’s purple.

Combined with anger and wondering, expectations and happening, reality and dream, it’s fancy and confusing.

The time is magical, the day is a mysterious journey.

Your smile tickles me from within, but your words slit me on my fragile skin.

It’s like a fresh wound salted.

It can never be healed.

Promises and vows became just merely words.

Spoken, with no occurrence.

What to believe?

Am I still capable of believing?

The ability is almost forgotten.

If we will end up broken, what can be left of me?

If you’ll just leave me behind, can I still stand?

The thoughts are madness, the image of it is insane.

I won’t let it.

No, I can’t.

But what if you’ll beg for it?

Can I stand it?

To see your pleading eyes, asking for your freedom.

Freedom it is, that’s what your asking.

Freedom it is, you keep on insisting.

Freedom it is, I keep holding it in.

Holding on to the sweet things that we’ve shared.

But, until when?

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The cynical me

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It’s cold,

though the sun is up and warming.

My bones are screeching to break.

The pain is inevitable but why?

It comes back from grave.

From unfathomable past.

Today is the day to be glorious,

yet the tears are inexorable.

It’s overflowing with emotions.

The notion of being betrayed

comes back to life.

I lost it somehow.

The courage that I made to muster.

I thought this would be a brush of serendipity.

So ironic that it’s not.

It’s cold,

and no one can make it vanish.

Only me, the cynical me.

Call me it, call me it.

I no longer mind.

It’s done and I’m done.

The execrated me..

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Alone and insecure..

this is what love makes me.

It is the opposite of bliss

nor the cloud nine that they say.

Confused and afraid,

why do I feel this way?

Being loved and to love,

is what I feel an irony?

When your close and comforting

I try to get away.

When your far and longing

I feel free.

Don’t I love?

Do I have the right?

I feel like begging for it,

but when it’s given I refuse.

This is crazy,

can’t stop thinking how to respond.

I always feel betrayed

even though I was not, yet.

I hate myself for this.

I hate it when someone say he loves me,

when I don’t feel it that way.

Is it just me? The execrated me.

It’s Bollocks

life

There will definitely be more ups and down from now on.

Despair like pits of darkness…

and happiness enough to make his body tremble.

Trembling because he will be laughing.

Bollocks to this life is intense.

You will fall and out of the circle.

Hold still before it comes..

the unwanted fear that life brings.

Laugh it out, oh! just do it..

before things got out of hand.

Don’t fear the oblivion..

Don’t fear death..

Your tears, don’t waste it…

for it is essential to be composed.

Difficulties or triumphs, don’t let yourself forget..

that life is just a big maze..

you’ll get lost ,if you won’t walk through it with all your senses.

If only..

Love come, love go, a cliche.

Love soothes, love hurts, constantly.

Love starts, love ends, then renew.

Love laugh, love cry, why continue?

Heart, aren’t you getting tired?

Heart, aren’t you hurting too much?

Heart, don’t you ever learn?

Heart, why still keep on beating?

I’ve been happy, like a glee.

When we kiss, I’m in a bliss.

Was it real? I had my fill.

It’s been fun, but now it’s gone.

My knees were weakening, as I see you walking.

But that was “then”, when you were still pretending.

Now the feeling is fading, like our footprints in the sand.

If only we have love that time can withstand.

When “it” doesn’t makes sense

Tic toc..

Tic toc..

The clock is ticking, and my heart is beating.

It goes slowly, but mine won’t.

The time passes by, yet the pain still remains.

How can I let you go away, when my heart ache for you to stay?

Can I pretend that you love me the way “I love you”?

Can I ignore the longing in my heart because you don’t care?

Can we just stop this at once? and let the time stop.

Go back to when our love still makes sense.

You want me to be this, you want me to be that.

Didn’t you say you love me, the whole of me?

Then why do you want me to change? Want me to be somebody else?

These things just doesn’t make sense.

I ache for you, I love you.

I’ll give up everything for you, I love you.

I will change for you, I love you.

But will this be enough to make you love me equally?

Jumping in Love

Falling in love is like jumping off a building.

Loving someone is like jumping in a building, high enough that if you hit the ground it would stop your heart beat at once.

It’s not suicidal but it can lead you to that. When you jump out, you would not know if there will be someone down there to catch your fall. If there is, you will never be sure if that person is strong enough to handle the impact of your fall and not be shaken to let you go. Can that person be someone you can trust to hold you completely and not let you down on the ground?.There is no certainty about that. You will never actually know what will happen to you. All you can do is to take the risk and see it for yourself.

“I don’t know when will be the right time to jump off, but I hope if ever I slipped, you will be there, ready to catch my fall anytime and never let me go.”