1 and 2, put together.
Then the 3, altogether.
It’s almost the day
to change 4 into 5.
The moment I’ve been waiting.
Yet, I’am terrified.
In an instant, I lost my will.
To see you, to touch you
and to be with you.
My heart beats as agile as a butterfly
flying earnestly into a vast sky.
Racing through the winds
and waiting to get it’s chance
to see a flower that gives off life.
How can I reach you now?
When I cant’t go where you might be.
I would if I could..but how?
I’am now back in my bed.
Alone and more insecure than ever.
Just four hours ago I was lying here, crying.
Agonizing myself of losing you.
Questioning myself and the wind of what am I lacking?
What am I to someone like you?
In just two words my heart shattered.
In just one move, I lose all my strenght.
I was at lost, for an instant.
I’am now back in my bed.
Playing the new track that just have been created four hours ago.
Watching it in full color in my head,
listening to it in the loudest volume
and trying to fathom it, deeply,
like my life is depending on it,
which at the moment, I believe it does.
I’am now back in my bed.
I realized that I’am not really afraid of losing you.
It is not enough.
There’s something more, something tragic.
‘Coz I’am more than terrified that I might also lose myself in the process.
I’am now back in my bed.
With a clearer vision that I’am not perfect.
I’am breakable and fragile.
I’am neither strong nor brave.
Not even unique nor precious.
I’am just something that is replaceable
and can get easily discarded.
Which might have been the case, if not four hours ago.
How can I feel so dead
When I can hear my heart beating.
How can I be numb
When I know Im hurting.
A simple joy
Gives me agony.
A sincere laughter
Leaves me empty.
Can you call this happiness?
Can you call this freedom?
Bliss in a daylight
Tears after midnight.
A simple joy
Can give you a moment of peace.
A sincere laughter
Can make you forget a little while.
But a broken piece
Will remain broken.
It’s up for you to fix it
Or probably the right one, if there is one.
It’s tragic.
It’s like a curse.
It will blow your mind.
Overwhelm your senses
and will leave you astray.
It’s unexpected.
It’s like a thief.
It will destroy yourself.
Something you would not wish to happen
yet inevitable.
A happy relationship is not always an assurance.
Love, understanding and open mindedness.
Those are essentials, yet not enough.
Trust, honesty and loyalty.
Ideal characteristics of a partner, yet not enough.
Then, what will make “us” enough?
What can make a happy relationship lasts?
How can you make it just right?
Not too much not too little.
Just enough not to experience
and end up to the aftermath.
When you’re in doubt,
Close your eyes.
Feel the wind that brings that in.
Hear not the voice it screech,
but the coolness it brings.
When the wind scratched you through,
Close your eyes.
Feel the pain that it caused.
See not the way it was cut,
but the vibrant color it yield.
Doubt is poison.
It gives you insecurities and pain.
It makes you forget the good past.
It destroys your relationship,
the one that made you after all.
The wind may talk behind your back,
it may cursed you and crashed you,
but don’t.
Don’t let it pull you down.
Anyway, the wind will soon disappear.
Then, only the thoughts will remain.
Just like your pain,
only the scar will be seen.
Wealth is not always the only reason to be happy, it’s the true love and affection that you received.
If you’re in pain and can no longer tolerate it, how can you pursue the life you’ve chosen? Is it pain that you can’t take? or the person causing it?
How foolish can I be to be in love with you.
Too much insults and slur yet my world still revolves on you.
My feelings is overwhelming that it makes me naive.
Pink is not the color of love, it’s purple.
Combined with anger and wondering, expectations and happening, reality and dream, it’s fancy and confusing.
The time is magical, the day is a mysterious journey.
Your smile tickles me from within, but your words slit me on my fragile skin.
It’s like a fresh wound salted.
It can never be healed.
Promises and vows became just merely words.
Spoken, with no occurrence.
What to believe?
Am I still capable of believing?
The ability is almost forgotten.
If we will end up broken, what can be left of me?
If you’ll just leave me behind, can I still stand?
The thoughts are madness, the image of it is insane.
I won’t let it.
No, I can’t.
But what if you’ll beg for it?
Can I stand it?
To see your pleading eyes, asking for your freedom.
Freedom it is, that’s what your asking.
Freedom it is, you keep on insisting.
Freedom it is, I keep holding it in.
Holding on to the sweet things that we’ve shared.
But, until when?
It’s cold,
though the sun is up and warming.
My bones are screeching to break.
The pain is inevitable but why?
It comes back from grave.
From unfathomable past.
Today is the day to be glorious,
yet the tears are inexorable.
It’s overflowing with emotions.
The notion of being betrayed
comes back to life.
I lost it somehow.
The courage that I made to muster.
I thought this would be a brush of serendipity.
So ironic that it’s not.
It’s cold,
and no one can make it vanish.
Only me, the cynical me.
Call me it, call me it.
I no longer mind.
It’s done and I’m done.
Alone and insecure..
this is what love makes me.
It is the opposite of bliss
nor the cloud nine that they say.
Confused and afraid,
why do I feel this way?
Being loved and to love,
is what I feel an irony?
When your close and comforting
I try to get away.
When your far and longing
I feel free.
Don’t I love?
Do I have the right?
I feel like begging for it,
but when it’s given I refuse.
This is crazy,
can’t stop thinking how to respond.
I always feel betrayed
even though I was not, yet.
I hate myself for this.
I hate it when someone say he loves me,
when I don’t feel it that way.
Is it just me? The execrated me.
Mere Words 